The Çhicàgø Máñüal ôf ST¥LE

Congratulations! Your current browser and system configuration have qualified you to descend our musty, dilapidated (albeit virtual) stairway and experience the baseMent, an ultra-low bandwidth extract of semiColon; the ifficial web site of The Çhicàgø Máñüal ôf ST¥LE.

As you can see, we've stripped away the bright colors, flashy animations, rollover scripting, invisible frames, and multiple windows that make our high-end index page the epitome of web baroque, and left only the raw carcass of pure unsalted content, which—one can only assume—must be the reason you came here anyway (using whatever moss-covered, mulch-worthy equipment you have).

the baseMent has four chambers, each with its own distinct aroma of discreetly concealed decay:

músìculåcrum

Clean out your system with the high colonic strains of our one and only collection of recordings: Up In Ya! (or Don't Call Me Fluffy). THE COMPLETE LYRICS & DOWNLOADABLE AUDIO SAMPLES of most of its 8 original tunes can be dug here (in no less than 2 convenient file formats, including streaming RealAudio). The whole shebang is always available on cassette at ÇhicMáñüal gigs (for the Live Flying Lobster Discount Pity Price of Just $1) or by snail mail at any non-gig juncture (for $6, including shipping, handling, licking, sticking, folding, spindling, mutilating, and mutating). Any and all cassette purchases include one free 4-page lyric sheet per tape, an introductory Çhicàgølôdge Mëmbërshíppe, and a 12-month warranty covering the analog reel-to-reel containment mechanism itself (no kidding!).

contînüüm

As a renowned hook-nosed bard once trilled, "The wheel in the sky keeps on turning," and we offer the proof to support that most pointed of observations. Here you can peruse a bogglingly detailed history of the band and its constituent parts, topped off by the LATEST GIG ANNOUNCEMENTS. Come out and see us if you can! (We smell entirely different in person.)

pèrsõnnæ

A personal offering from each of the three band members. Keep your hand at the level of your eyes.

çhicàgølôdge

Your only chance for interactivity at baseMent level. Share shopping secrets with the band, and insure that they'll call you (and/or your mother) on major holidays.

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Whenever you find the time to download a newer browser, you'll have access to three additional rooms above ground, the content of which would be moot to present here:

rummãge

An on-line product catalog filled to the brim with band-related and band-endorsed items.

plûmàge

The ÇhicMáñüal archives: a fossil exhibition that proves conclusively our decent from one randy amœba.

hÿdræ

All the sh*t that isn't fit to fit (anywhere else on the site, that is). Links to related failure addicts, our favorite surfables, thank youse, site history, and any ineffectual awards we may have accumulated from effete web cliques.

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If you feel you have been wrongfully accused of insufficient techronology, or our necessarily evil web server has treated you with unnecessary roughness, you have the right to clear your cache and appeal your case to a higher site. However, by clicking on the advanced alternative below, you will agree to waive the right to any and all legal recourse against The Çhicàgø Máñüal ôf ST¥LE and its internet associates, should your connection become constipated, your browser slip into a coma, your CPU begin to whimper and crumble to its knees, or (God forbid) you find your ass down here again.

• the ballRoom — minimum Netscape Navigator 3.x or Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.x; at least 28.8 Kbps connection recommended